Hitchhikers de la Lolcats

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The Day Out of Time

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The year comes to an end, and the Day Out of Time is tomorrow on the 21st... and then the Year in a Day the day after, a day that comes only every four years. There is so much that has happened in the past four years I need to reflect on.... and, looking to the future, so many things to work towards in the next four years. I am in the country of Andorra, too far from the woman I love, but fighting for ways for us to be together. I have learned more about the laws of the Schengen Zone in the past month than I think anyone should know. Before, I ignored those laws like many others... but I am no longer alone, and ignoring them could mean being exiled more than 10,000kms from my woman.. and other dangers also. Level of everything-hell-the-frakked-up at well over 1000% and killing me. Tomorrow, on the Day Out of Time, I will walk and climb into the mountains of Andorra and away from the world... returning in a few days. There are many, many mountain refuges here in Andorra. I will be h...
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How to Properly Issue a Ticket to a Police Officer in 5 Easy Steps

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Step 1. Get Yourself a Ginger   Everyone knows that redheads are on the endangered species list. Therefore, a cop can't just maim or open fire on a ginger. In this case, we're going with Ramona Mayhem (aka, Ginger Bee), who was the mad genius behind this entire plan. If you can't find a ginger, go with another endangered species (e.g., unbiased media, honest politicians, etc.). Step 2. Prep Your Tickets   Even if you have real police tickets (or other official documents), the last thing you want to do is show them to the police. That gets a peep put into a dark, dark place. Nope, you've gotta make your own ticket. It needs to say something along the lines of "you know what you did" or "shame shame" ...but still say "it's okay, criminals have hearts too".   Take note of the all-important "Other" field. When we were out ticketing officers and other miscreants, "Other" was easily the most used. Popular scribs for o...
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How the Elves Settled Texas

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[Speakeasy, TX, San Marcos] Rivendell Restaurant & Gardens : When the first elvish settlers moved into Texas, they planted the young seeds that would become Rivendell Restaurant & Gardens. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be. Only a few thousand years after the elves passed on the restaurant to human caretakers, the restaurant closed... and San Marcos lost one of its premier attractions to the city. This Tolkienesque experience was a restaurant with every wall painted in murals of fields and forests, with trees that poured water in cascades down their stumps and with sofas formed of stones. The cats had likely been bribed by the cooks to stay away from the tables where customers dined on savory sandwiches made from fresh-baked bread. Wandering the tiered gardens after the meal was a refreshing way to let the tummy settle before heading down to the San Marcos river for an afternoon swim. I can attest to the fact that there's still an elf here and there near the river... or at l...
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